My sister told me to make this post funny. So, here is my attempt at humor, coming at 2 am when I am feeling a bit insomniatic. Hope it works!
It's been awhile since I've written in here in part because I've been busy with volunteering and learning Hebrew and applying to grad school and planning seminars for Dorot. You know, actually doing real work.
But mostly, I haven't written in awhile because I've gotten a little sick of hearing my own and everybody else's existential, or not so existential, thoughts. At the moment, every conversation I'm having seems to follow the same point, counterpoint argument: Occupation - security, settlements - homes, Zionism - how much are we willing to fight for, Holocaust, anti-Semitism - oppressed become the oppressors, check points, wall - security, in the end, we each still believe our own side.
My boredom and frustration with these conversations has gotten so bad that yesterday I was at a Shabbat dinner talking with someone who was arguing why illegal settlements should be allowed to remain in the West Bank when I awkwardly jumped ahead in the argument. We had already establish this gentleman's view that, "Israel has a right to build on our historic homeland, why does it matter if we violate international law?" After that I was paying so little attention to the conversation that I started giving the counterargument to a point he hadn't yet made and when he looked confused I responded, "Oh I'm sorry, are we still on the terrorism argument? I thought we had moved on to 'the whole world is out to destroy the Jews.'" Slightly rude on my part, but, frankly, the American men of Jerusalem who have recently made aliya are starting to wear on my last nerve.
So, as I like to do when I get bored with a place, I bought a plane ticket to somewhere else - Paris!
We have to leave Israel every three months to renew our visas, and I had planned to go to Cairo with a few friends. The day I was going to buy my ticket, I was in a cafe listening to people speak in French. Then I was listening to a spirituality podcast all about going with your gut. Then I took a sheirut and the driver was playing songs in French. Then I met up with a friend and we went to another cafe and heard more people speaking French. Then I thought about the movie Fools Rush In and how I always want to believe that, "there are signs everywhere, all you have to do is read them." And then I sat down to buy my ticket and found myself booking a flight to Paris instead of to Cairo. Oops!
As it turns out, much as I fancy myself, to quote a friend of mine, "a genocide-fighting, peace in the Middle East making" lady, I do love the finer things in life. As part of my Dorot leadership learning experience, we did "360s" where lots of my coworkers anonymous evaluated me. And out of that, I've realized that I need to own myself a little more. For example, I've been told, "you're a lefty, stop apologizing for it - own it." And I think I'm realizing that I am a woman who would much rather eat cheese and lemon tarts and walk the streets of Paris than eat a falafel, ride a camel, and look at a pyramid. There are pictures of pyramids, got it, they were hard to build, they're shaped like triangles, amaaaazing!
This realization was cemented when I was getting stressed out the other day on the phone with orbitz because I was trying to change the amount of time I am spending in Europe in December when we go to Budapest for Dorot. I wanted to spend more time in Amsterdam and less time in Paris (this was before I bought next weekend's plane ticket to Paris) and I was debating the pros and cons of the different cities in a manner that was perhaps a bit too stressed out when my friend who was half listening to me looked up and said, "Seriously? You've been debating this for over an hour. Paris? Amsterdam? Rome? Poor you and your bougie (read: bourgeoisie) little life. Hard, isn't it?" So, on that note, I'm off to Paris on Saturday for four days of writing, reading, shopping, eating, and drinking wine that is not kosher, thus giving it my rabbinic seal of actually possibly tasting good.
In other news, my work here is great. And I promise to write more about it once I finish applying to grad school.
In more other news, I'm thinking seriously about moving to Jerusalem. If I want to ever find a common ground with these people who say things like, "who cares if it violates international law?", I'm going to have to infiltrate their community, and though it pains me deeply, that community ain't in Tel Aviv.
In other more news, today a fellow fellow of mine who is 22 learned that I was not 24 as she thought. I told her I was going to be 26 in January. She said to me, "I hope I look as good as you do when I'm your age." Said as if I were not 26 but 40! Am I getting old?
In other, other news, lots of babies are being born in Brooklyn and it is making me terribly, terribly sad that I am not in New York to play with them. So, mazel, mazel, mazel tov to the coolest sets of parents in Brooklyn on the newest additions to the best borough!
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